How to suicides story
by How to suicide
Summary: ...yeah. You reading this to find out what my story is about...well. It ain't no gay ass fan fiction... That's for sure. Also. If you wanna know what my story is about...I got a solution for you...shut the fuck up and read it...and if you don't like it I got another solution for you...fuck off and don't read it...either way I don't give a fuck...you fucker
1. Chapter 1

**How to suicide - chapter 1**  
 **Firstly I'm gonna keep it real for all you fuckers reading this...don't expect much...and. Its not gonna be in chronological order either. I'm just gonna write as memory's come to me OK...I'm gonna start writing it now...**

 **So...I guess I was born first huh?. Yeah I was, life was sweet as a baby. I had nothing to do and not a care in the world. I didn't couldn't even talk. Or. Walk...but that's OK because I got older...and that's when things got bad for me..**

 **From the age I was able to talk and walk and understand things a little. My parents decided I was a mistake. And they sure let me know that...they did hit me when I was a baby. Or I don't think they did. Well. Honestly they did a few times. I have vague memories of being throws at walls and being chocked rarely...but when I was little my parents messed me up mentally...they'd always tell me they..."wish I was never born" ...because they would have preferred it if I died and my sister didn't ...and they'd never told me they love me. Not even once...**

 **As I got older I wasn't as...Fragile.. I guess you could say.. And my parents knew I could take a beating...and sure enough. They fucked me up all the time...have you ever been beat the fuck up with a coffee cup?...I have. And it hurts when its smashed into your head over and over again...ever been shot in the leg with a lead pellet from an air rifle?...I have. And it hurts. And it bleeds a lot. And lead is poisonous to humans. So I guess I'm lucky it was only a small pellet... I've been to hell and back. And I don't even believe that place exists... My parents fucked me up mentally and physically. And that's what drove me to almost kill myself 4 times...**

 **I said it in my profile how I tired to kill myself. So read that if you wanna know now because I don't give a fuck about re typing it for you...however. I'm gonna tell you how it felt. So its probably gonna be good to know what I'm talking about...first I'm gonna tell you my main motives...so I was really fucked up. Depressed. No pills to help me. I had nothing but my friend. The first time I tried to kill myself I was 17...my parents kicked me out the house at 16...so I stayed with. Friend. And I just kept thinking... "I'll wait until I can get alone. Take the rope in the attic I saw and make a noose. And end it all"...**


	2. Chapter 2

**How to suicide - chapter 2**  
 **So I was waiting to get alone..even if it was only for 40 minutes. That was long enough to do what I felt I needed to do...my friend I stayed with is a Muslim and his family would go pray every week...so. I waited until they was all out and I took the rope. There were large hook things coming off the ceiling and they would be perfect for making sure the rope stayed up on the ceiling...so I set everything up and I was ready to die...**

 **I stood on this chair I brought upstairs and I put my head through the noose so that it was around my neck...and I told myself.. "I'm ready"... I kicked the chair and I hear it hit the floor...I felt my body get heavy and I couldn't breath. I was shaking...gasping for air and I could feel my life leaving me and I was across from this large mirror and I saw myself as it was happening and in was turning purple... I knew in was going to die...**

 **I felt my body drop lower and I looked in the mirror and then the hooks on then ceiling were coming out and they broke off and that meant that I fell to the floor and I laid there struggling to breath and I was cold...I couldn't move...it was then I heard the front door to the house open and it was my friend and his family...he came upstairs to go to his room and I was laid on the floor with a noose around my neck...so he pulled me up and called his parents so they came to see what had happened and he asked me..." Why would you do something like this to yourself Tony?"...and I just said.."you told me to be happy"...**

 **Then they took the rope off of me and took the chair back to the kitchen and my friend. Parash. Took me into the room I was staying in and I was laid on my bed and I couldn't remember saying anything else that day...I just stayed in my room thinking. "Why did that go wrong?"...**


	3. Chapter 3

**How to suicide - chapter 3**  
 **So after I tried hanging myself I didn't try that again for 2 years...so I'll talk about other things in my life for a bit...**

 **So I mentioned that I got kicked out at 16..I was going to collage then and I did plumbing mainly because in was to dumb for anything else but yeah. I stayed in collage for a year then I had learned a lot and I dropped out of collage and didn't go back so I just started working. Not for a company or anything. I worked for myself. I set my own pay and work hours and I made a lot of money...while I was doing this I was still with my friend and he was cool with it...his family told me I should have stayed in college but I didn't wanna so I didn't... And I was making money and when I had enough I bought a little house just big enough for me... And when I left my friends house to live alone I brought my dog too..they let me keep my dog at their house...**

 **Unfortunately my little dog died earlier this year...so that hurt really bad...if it wasn't for my girlfriend I wouldn't be alive now to be honest with you all...**

 **So I only dropped out of collage and made a life for myself because I was tired of being no one...so I still live alone now...my girlfriend lives 3000 miles away but I'll be with her soon...nothing is gonna stop me. She needs me just as much as I need her..**

 **My friend Parash. He joined the British forces and I never heard from him again. Sometime in wonder if he's alive and been looking for me...maybe he's dead. I'll never know. And honestly I'd rather not know...he may be !y friend but we both have our own lives now. So I'll let him get along with his so I can get on with mine...**

 **So I was around the age of 19 when I tried to hang myself for the second time...I just got tired of life and of being alone...at that time I only had my dog...and don't get me wrong. I love my dog even though she is dead now. And I think about her all the time. But if I died shed have been OK without me...so I decided to try take my life for a second time to escape my crap life...**


	4. Chapter 4

**How to suicide - chapter 4**  
 **This time I thought it would be easier to put an end to my life if I hung myself again so I did that...**

 **So I went online and I ordered a big thin rope and it came the next day because I clicked next day delivery...yeah...and I made the noose. Drilled holes into the ceiling so I could tie it up that way. I did it upstairs so I went into the attic and tied it off up there...went back into my bedroom. Said goodbye to Tess...my dog. Her name was Tess...and I clicked the chair and I was hanging again...then the ceiling decided I was to heavy and fell through... That was fucking disappointing to be real with you...I wanted to die..but once again...I didn't..**

 **So yeah. That was my second attempt at suicide and it didn't go well. So after that I decided that hanging was not the best way for me to die...and that's why the next time I tried I overdosed on sleeping pills...I'll tell that part of the story later...for now im gonna just talk about random stuff I wanna because why not..**

 **So I'm really close to moving to live with my girlfriend. She's older than me and has kids but I don't mind...I always wanted kids and age doesn't matter because she may be older than me but...I love her..so that doesn't really matter. If she was underage then it would matter but she's not so it don't matter much if she's older than me...and I'm gonna help her raise her kids and I told her I'd be with her forever because that's what I want...she wants it too. But she doesn't trust me all the time..that's okay. When we are old and grey she'll remember I promised her I'd be around forever and maybe she will trust me more then...also we are gonna have amazing sex...that's really cool. And I don't know if she's gonna read this but even if she doesn't she knows I do love her...so much. And she's literally perfect for me...she's just everything I've ever wanted. She makes me happy everyday and I need to be happy for once in my life...I have a problem where I faint a lot too so she said she'll make sure I'm OK when I faint ...I know she loves me...and that alone makes me happy... I know she's my soul mate...she just is. She's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the lasted thing I think about before I pass out every night because I stay up all hours talking to her...I dream about being with her...she's just always on my mind. And I don't want her to not be on my mind...also...she has the most amazing smile ever... When she smiles really big and shows her perfect teeth it just makes me smile because she is so beautiful. And she looks so pretty without make up...and she looks good with make up...I think she looks better without it. To be honest... I love her..more than anything...damn I even love her kids. They aren't mine but they are good kids...and I never been a father before but I think with her help I could be a good dad...I know I may seem like a bit of a dick... but in real life I'm not...I just call you guys fuckers because I don't give a shit what your real name is..**

 **Anyway... I think I spoke about my girlfriend enough for now...so I'm just gonna talk about other stuff for another chapter...**


	5. Chapter 5

**How to suicide - chapter 5**  
 **So back to my main story...I was gonna kill myself again. And it took me a long time to figure out how...I decided that sleeping pills would be the best choice as they'd make me go to sleep and if I took enough I wouldn't wake up...**

 **So I didn't take them with alcohol but maybe a glass of Scotch would have been good to take with them...instead I took them with water like a moron...but oh well. I don't give a fuck now...and I bough a box of cheap ones with like 30 in it...or maybe 15..I can't remember to well...but anyway I took like half of the box and decoded that would be enough to kill me...**

 **It wasn't enough... I went to sleep on the floor...I just kinda.. Passed out and hit the floor while waiting for them to work...and the last thing I remember that day was the news on the TV...it was the weather woman..talking about how it was gonna rain..I love the rain...anyway...I didn't die...I woke up...I'll be real...sometimes I think that was the closest I've came to killing myself and sometimes I wish I'd never woke up...**

 **And when I woke up I was in a hospital bed...I have no idea how I got there but i did...and the nurse came over to me and I said..."why the fuck didn't you let me die woman"...she said back to me..."I didn't keep you alive...technically you should have died but its a miracle you're even alive.."...I had all these tubes in my arms and I was hooked up to a heart rate monitor... I remember it saying my heart rate was 93 beats per minute...and I needed those IV things out of my hand...so I got them taken out...so yeah...for the third time I didn't fucking die...**

 **I knew I should have taken more...and I should have drank at least a beer with them but I didn't...so I didn't die...it wasn't a miracle that kept me alive...it was me being a stupid cunt and not killing myself properly that kept me alive...but yeah...that happened..**

 **I'll tell you about the fourth time in another chapter... This chapter has been the hardest to write about...but fuck that shit...I wrote it so yeah...I'll put up another chapter soon fuckers...**


	6. Chapter 6

**How to suicide - chapter 6**  
 **So the final time I tried to kill myself I didn't really try...but I almost did.. And this would definitely would have killed me...I was sat on my sofa watching TV and I was depressed... No meds to help me out ..and I went into the kitchen to get a drink if pop...I wanted some coke...but instead I filled my glass up with bleach...my Brain just told me it'd be a good idea because I'm a waste of space and at that moment that's what I believed...so I did just that...I filled my glass up with bleach and went to sit on my sofa and I set my bleach on my table..**

 **I decided to watch a few videos on YouTube before I killed myself because I wanted to listen to a couple of song s first..."what a wonderful world" by Louis Armstrong...and..."stand by me " by Ben E King...and "something inside so strong" by labi siffe...so I sat there singing thses songs while listening to them...on my sofa. With only one other plan for that night...**

 **In the end I decided not to do it...and I just poured the bleach away and sat on the sofa for a while...I didn't kill myself. Sometimes I wish I did. But I didn't. So fuck it...that's in the past. And now I got a better future to look forward to. I know it won't always be easy but I'm willing to try...I'll never forget the past...but if I do stuff so I don't remember it. It won't hurt me any more... I can say that but everyday I think about things that has happened to me in the past...and I'll never know why it happened to me...but one thing I will say it...for what I have now...like my girlfriend and my friend. I'm OK with that and maybe if my girlfriend never met me shed be unhappy still...but I'm glad I can make her happy.**

 **But hey...that's my story on how I tried to end my own life...only like 3 people have actually read it...but oh well...fuck everyone else who didn't read it...that I think we can agree on...but anyways... Maybe I'll add random stuff to this in the future... Maybe I won't...I doubt you'd give a fuck anymore than I do to be honest... Because nif you read my profile you'll realize I don't give a fuck...so yeah... Maybe you'll see more chapters on this at a later date...**

 **Why are you still here?...my story has ended for now...fuck off already**


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